You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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