He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
