ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just had sex bonerless
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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