I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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