If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
