i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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