why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
