It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
