yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
