I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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