U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.