I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ugly people sure do ruin things
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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