he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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