dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.