chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH