I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?