I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...