just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches