It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend