you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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