Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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