Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
