Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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