i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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