there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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