So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
