That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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