Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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