I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize