Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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