I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
