I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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