please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
