that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
