so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
