So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
