oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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