Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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