i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
