we made out on top of his cat.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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