watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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