You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
