I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need to stop coming to work sober
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
