my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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