Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
