I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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