just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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