My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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