The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Randomize
