Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.