well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS