Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it's great music for shaving your balls
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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