I'm an idiot
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing