I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.