barbara walters just said penis...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter