god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
