Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No I am not eating basil off your cock
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
