I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
