And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
