Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
