All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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