So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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