Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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