First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
