Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
