What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
