And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
