Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
please don't ironically join a cult
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