just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
