Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We left the knife in your bed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
