My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
