He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Randomize
