I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
