Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
