By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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