My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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